Let me start by saying this: mom guilt is real. It’s that little voice in your head that whispers, “You’re not doing enough,” when you’re at work, and “You’re not present enough,” when you’re at home. It’s the knot in your stomach when you miss a school play because of a meeting or the pang of regret when you snap at your kids after a long day. As a working mother in the USA, I’ve felt it all. But over time, I’ve learned that mom guilt doesn’t have to be a permanent resident in my mind. It’s possible to let it go—or at least turn down the volume. Here’s how I’ve done it, and how you can too.
The Struggle Is Real: My Journey with Mom Guilt
When my first child was born, I thought I could do it all. I’d be the perfect mom, the perfect employee, the perfect wife, and the perfect friend. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t. I remember one particularly rough day when I had to stay late at work to finish a project. By the time I got home, my toddler was already asleep. I sat on the edge of his bed, tears streaming down my face, convinced I was failing him.
That moment was a turning point for me. I realized that trying to be everything to everyone was not only impossible but also exhausting. I needed to redefine what “enough” looked like—for my kids, for my career, and for myself.
Time Management: Making Every Moment Count
One of the biggest sources of mom guilt is the feeling that we’re not spending enough quality time with our kids. But here’s the thing: it’s not about the quantity of time; it’s about the quality.
1. Prioritize and Plan
I started by creating a weekly schedule that included both work and family time. I blocked off specific hours for work tasks and made sure to carve out uninterrupted time with my kids. For example, dinner time became sacred in our house. No phones, no emails—just us.
2. Be Present
When I’m with my kids, I try to be fully present. That means putting away my laptop, silencing notifications, and really engaging with them. Even if it’s just 15 minutes of playing Legos or reading a book, those moments matter.
3. Outsource When Possible
I used to feel guilty about hiring a babysitter or using a meal delivery service. But I’ve learned that outsourcing some tasks frees up my time and energy for the things that truly matter. It’s not a failure; it’s a strategy.
Self-Care: Because You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
Here’s a hard truth: you can’t be a good mom if you’re running on empty. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
1. Schedule “Me Time”
I used to think self-care was a luxury I couldn’t afford. Now, I see it as a necessity. Whether it’s a 20-minute walk, a bubble bath, or a coffee date with a friend, I make sure to schedule time for myself every week.
2. Let Go of Perfection
I’ve also learned to lower my standards in certain areas. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and dinner doesn’t have to be gourmet. Giving myself permission to be imperfect has been incredibly liberating.
3. Ask for Help
This was a tough one for me. I used to think asking for help was a sign of weakness. But now I see it as a sign of strength. Whether it’s asking my partner to take over bedtime or calling a friend to vent, reaching out has made a world of difference.
Overcoming Guilt: Reframing Your Mindset
Mom guilt thrives on comparison and unrealistic expectations. To overcome it, I’ve had to reframe my mindset.
1. Focus on What You’re Doing Right
Instead of dwelling on what I’m not doing, I try to focus on what I am doing. I’m teaching my kids the value of hard work. I’m showing them that women can have careers and families. I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.
2. Let Go of the “Ideal Mom” Myth
The “ideal mom” who bakes cookies from scratch, volunteers at school, and never loses her temper? She doesn’t exist. Letting go of this unrealistic ideal has been one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
When I feel guilty, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend. I remind myself that I’m human, that I’m doing my best, and that my kids love me no matter what.
Maintaining a Healthy Work-Life Balance
Balancing work and family is an ongoing challenge, but it’s not impossible. Here are some tips that have helped me:
1. Set Boundaries
I’ve learned to set clear boundaries between work and home. When I’m at work, I focus on work. When I’m at home, I focus on my family. Of course, there are exceptions, but having these boundaries in place has helped me feel more balanced.
2. Communicate with Your Employer
I’ve been fortunate to work for employers who value work-life balance. If you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to have an open conversation with your boss about flexible hours or remote work options.
3. Involve Your Kids
I’ve started involving my kids in my work when appropriate. For example, I’ll let them “help” me with simple tasks or explain what I do in a way they can understand. It’s a small way to bridge the gap between my two worlds.
An Empowering Conclusion: You’re Doing Your Best
Mom guilt may never completely go away, but it doesn’t have to control your life. You are not alone in this journey. Every working mother I know has felt the weight of guilt at some point. But here’s the truth: you are doing your best, and your best is enough.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom; they need a happy, healthy mom who loves them. So take a deep breath, let go of the guilt, and give yourself the grace you deserve. You’ve got this, mama.
What strategies have helped you overcome mom guilt? Share your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you!
I’m Zara Michell
